Fear of speaking up in negotiations may hold you back from a successful experience. Here are some tips that will give you more confidence in speaking.
Negotiating is the process of attempting to agree on a solution. Compromising, or settling on a mutually agreeable solution, is the result of successful negotiations. Compromise is all about being flexible. It means being able to generate alternate solutions when you’ve “hit the wall.” Whether it involves a person you can’t get along with, an idea you know will work but that others are reluctant to agree to, a change in office systems, or a turf war that needs ending, learning to negotiate and compromise is essential to your success.
1. Have a positive attitude.
Your attitude is essential to the outcome. You have a much better chance of coming to an outcome involving mutual gains if you approach the negotiation as an opportunity to learn and achieve a win-win outcome.
2. Meet on mutual ground.
Find a mutually agreeable and convenient physical space to meet that is comfortable for all involved. Agree on when you will meet and how much time is available to devote to the process. Whenever possible, deal with negotiations face-to-face. Be careful about using the phone and e-mail. A lack of facial expressions, vocal intonation, and other cues can result in a negotiation breakdown.
3. Clearly define and agree on the issue.
Agree on the statement of the issue using simple and factual terms. If the situation is multifaceted, search for ways to slice the large issue into smaller pieces and deal with one issue at a time.
4. Do your homework.
Take time to plan. You must not only know what is at stake for yourself, but you need to know the other side’s concerns and motivation. Take into consideration any history or past situations that might affect the negotiations. Know the must-haves (nonnegotiable items) and nice-to-haves (negotiable items). Determine the best resolution, a fair and reasonable deal, and a minimally acceptable deal.
5. Take an honest inventory of yourself.
Determine the level of trust you have in the other person and the process. Be conscious of aspects of your personality that can help or hinder the process.
6. Look for shared interests.
Get on the same side by finding and establishing similarities. Since conflict tends to magnify perceived differences and minimize similarities, look for common goals, objectives, or even gripes that can illustrate that you are in this together. Focus on the future, talk about what is to be done, and tackle the problem jointly.
7. Deal with facts, not emotions.
Address problems, not personalities. Avoid any tendency to attack the other person or to pass judgment on his or her ideas and opinions. Avoid focusing on the past or blaming the other person. Maintain a rational, goal-oriented frame of mind. This will depersonalize the conflict, separate the issues from the people involved, and avoid defensiveness.
8. Be honest.
Don’t play games. Be honest and clear about what is important to you. It is equally important to be clear and to communicate why your goals, issues, and objectives are important to you.
9. Present alternatives and provide evidence.
Create options and alternatives that demonstrate your willingness to compromise. Consider conceding in areas that might have high value to the other person but are not that important to you. Frame options in terms of the other person’s interests and provide evidence for your point of view.
10. Be an expert communicator.
Nothing shows determination to find a mutually satisfactory resolution to conflict more than applying excellent communication skills. Ask questions, listen, rephrase what you heard to check for understanding, and take a genuine interest in the other side’s concerns. Reduce tension through humor, let the other “vent,” and acknowledge the other’s views. Focus less on your position and more on ways in which you can move toward a resolution or compromise.
11. End on a good note.
Develop a win-win proposal and check to make sure that everyone involved leaves the situation feeling they have “won.” Shake on it and agree on the action steps, who is responsible for each step, how success will be measured, and how and when the decision will be evaluated. Be open to reaching an impasse for non-critical issues; you can agree to disagree on minor issues.
12. Enjoy the process.
Look at the benefits of learning other points of view. People report that after overcoming conflict and reaching an agreement, the relationship grew even stronger. Reflect and learn from each negotiation. Determine the criteria to evaluate the process and the solution.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
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Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
From Expert Nurse to Fearless Manager
Penny had every degree a professional nurse could have. When the pressure was on in the emergency room, she was the most poised player in the game. As good as she was the hospital administration passed over her year after year when management positions came open. She told me that in order to break into management a nurse must be able to make training presentations to other nurses. The fear of public speaking held her back.
Penny came to us to sign up for a 12 week Dale Carnegie Course because she saw the increased self-confidence gained by a friend of hers after experiencing the course. She wanted the same thing. Her hand trembled as she signed her registration form in anticipation of being on her feet in front of a group of strangers.
I watched Penny during the first session of the course, her body language communicated paralyzing fear as she watch classmates come to the front of the room in groups of five to be interviewed by the instructor. Her fear was so intense that I resolved to refund her tuition because it was clearly too much for her to endure. I was wrong. Penny did go to the front of the room when her turn came and she got through it. What happened next blew me away. Penny came up to me after class with tears in her eyes thanking me for not telling her that she would have to be in front of the room. “If you had told me that I would have to do what I’ve just done I would have not come to class!” The tears were tears of joy at having broken through a fear that had held her captive for many years!
By the end of the course Penny had even more breakthroughs. She worked hard, as all participants do, to apply leadership and human relations principles on the job and then reporting in class about the business and professional results of Winning Friends and Influencing People. Penny came alive. So much so that her classmates awarded her the highly regarded Highest Award for Achievement at the end of the course. Penny conquered the fear that held her back and gained the management position that eluded her for so many years. Penny proved what Ralph Waldo Emerson said is true, “Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain.”
Who do you know that needs a breakthrough? www.dalecarnegi.com
By Doug Harbaugh
Penny had every degree a professional nurse could have. When the pressure was on in the emergency room, she was the most poised player in the game. As good as she was the hospital administration passed over her year after year when management positions came open. She told me that in order to break into management a nurse must be able to make training presentations to other nurses. The fear of public speaking held her back.
Penny came to us to sign up for a 12 week Dale Carnegie Course because she saw the increased self-confidence gained by a friend of hers after experiencing the course. She wanted the same thing. Her hand trembled as she signed her registration form in anticipation of being on her feet in front of a group of strangers.
I watched Penny during the first session of the course, her body language communicated paralyzing fear as she watch classmates come to the front of the room in groups of five to be interviewed by the instructor. Her fear was so intense that I resolved to refund her tuition because it was clearly too much for her to endure. I was wrong. Penny did go to the front of the room when her turn came and she got through it. What happened next blew me away. Penny came up to me after class with tears in her eyes thanking me for not telling her that she would have to be in front of the room. “If you had told me that I would have to do what I’ve just done I would have not come to class!” The tears were tears of joy at having broken through a fear that had held her captive for many years!
By the end of the course Penny had even more breakthroughs. She worked hard, as all participants do, to apply leadership and human relations principles on the job and then reporting in class about the business and professional results of Winning Friends and Influencing People. Penny came alive. So much so that her classmates awarded her the highly regarded Highest Award for Achievement at the end of the course. Penny conquered the fear that held her back and gained the management position that eluded her for so many years. Penny proved what Ralph Waldo Emerson said is true, “Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain.”
Who do you know that needs a breakthrough? www.dalecarnegi.com
By Doug Harbaugh
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